Brutally Honest Marriage Advice from a Divorce Lawyer

A recent Reddit discussion revealed some eye-opening advice from a divorce lawyer: everything you tolerate during the dating phase can resurface in marriage, often magnified.

Ignoring red flags while dating? Think twice. It's crucial to address issues early on, as they likely won't disappear on their own. Marry for who your partner is today, not who you hope they might become in the future.

In August 2025, a Redditor shared a piece of advice from a divorce lawyer that resonated deeply: "Everything you tolerate during the dating phase will come back to you 10 times harsher in marriage." This statement encourages self-reflection. If you're dismissing red flags now, expect them to become more pronounced later.

The stress of marriage can amplify these issues rather than eliminate them. The Redditor warned, "If you think 'I can handle this' or 'they'll grow out of it,' you're not doing yourself any favors. These issues often grow louder and more damaging with time."

The lawyer's advice to "Don't marry potential, marry what's in front of you" serves as a powerful reminder to not overlook deal-breakers. Many Reddit users echoed this sentiment, sharing their regrets about ignoring red flags during their own relationships.

One user reflected, "I ignored my gut and now I'm paying for it." Another lamented, "I look back at my partner's behavior during our dating phase and I’m appalled at how I let him treat me. He hasn't changed at all." These stories highlight the importance of recognizing and addressing concerns before committing to marriage.

Ultimately, the question remains: Do you believe red flags disappear over time, or do they tend to become more pronounced? It's a crucial consideration for anyone contemplating marriage.