The Dark Side of Staying Friends with Ex-Partners: Insights from Recent Research

Recent research indicates that maintaining friendships with ex-partners might be driven by more than just emotional maturity. A study published in the journal Personality and Individual Differences by psychologists Justin K. Mogilski and Lisa L.M. Welling examined 861 individuals to uncover the motivations behind such relationships.

While it seems admirable to stay connected with an ex, the study found that certain personality traits, particularly those linked to the "dark triad" (narcissism, Machiavellianism, and psychopathy), were associated with a higher likelihood of remaining friends after a breakup.

What Motivates These Friendships?

The research identified seven primary reasons for keeping in touch with exes: reliability/sentimentality, pragmatism (like financial benefits), shared children, continued romantic feelings, diminished attraction, social relationship maintenance, and sexual access. While some motives are innocent, others reveal self-serving interests.

Individuals exhibiting darker personality traits were more inclined to cite practical or manipulative reasons for maintaining these friendships. Notably, men were slightly more likely than women to prioritize these motivations.

Implications of the Findings

This research suggests that psychopathy, characterized by superficial charm and strategic thinking, could lead some individuals to keep their options open post-breakup. Thus, when an ex expresses a desire to remain friends, it may be worth questioning whether their intentions are true or more calculated.

Ultimately, while some ex-partner friendships can stem from genuine care, they can also mask ulterior motives. Understanding these psychological dynamics helps us navigate the complexities of relationships even after they end.